Idols | The Pursuit Of The Perfect Family
About this series:
To follow Jesus as Lord means putting nothing before Him. This is not only right but logical: no one is greater, no one satisfies more. Yet the daily struggle of discipleship is the pressure—both within and around us—to live as though something else is more worthy.
Christians have long understood this in terms of idols. Tim Keller defines an idol as “anything more important to you than God…anything you seek to give you what only God can give.” Martin Luther said, “Whatever your heart clings to and relies upon, that is your God.” John Piper calls it “anything we rely on for blessing or guidance in place of wholehearted trust in the living God.”
Scripture is clear from the start:
“You shall have no other gods before me” (Ex. 20:3; Deut. 5:7).
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind” (Matt. 22:37).
The danger is profound. Idols dishonor God, deceive us with false promises, and deform us into their image: “Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them” (Ps. 115:8). Humanity is wired to ascribe worth to something beyond itself, but this longing finds fulfillment only in the Creator: “Trust in the Lord—he is their help and shield” (Ps. 115:11). Only He truly satisfies, only He is worthy, only He is “the way, the truth, and the life” (Jn. 14:6).
Identifying idols is not always simple. Good gifts from God can quietly become an idol that replaces him. However, questions like these can help us begin to probe our hearts and minds:
What consumes most of my time and thoughts?
What stirs my emotions most deeply?
What do I feel I cannot live without?
Where do I place my hope for meaning and worth?
About this talk:
In similar fashion to the idol of a perfect relationship, we can be prone to idolising the perfect family, putting our hopes and needs into marriage and children more than God ever intended. Young couples can idolise the concept of having a family; expectant parents can idolise what having a child will be like; parents of young children can invest all their time, hopes and fears into their children; and so on. The modern world, it seems, creates a climate in which pressure on parents is multiplied - for example, social media showing other ‘happy families’ that we feel the need to match up to; providing every opportunity for children to do an inordinate number of activities; discouraging discipline of poor behaviour.
Jesus made so many statements that were absolutely shocking, two of which relate specifically to family relationships:
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters - yes, even their own life - such a person cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26).
“Someone told him, ‘Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.’ He replied to him, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ Pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother’” (Matthew 12:47-50).
In a world where family relationships had perhaps even more significance and loyalty attached to them than in our day, what can Jesus be saying? He is referring to the priority that he and the family of God should have in our lives.
Luke 14: He can’t be saying that we shouldn’t love our family members; he is not saying that we should ‘hate’ them, as we tend to use the word hate. ‘“Hate” is not primarily an affective quality but a disavowal of primary allegiance to one’s kin...Jesus underscores how discipleship relativizes one’s normal and highly valued loyalty to normal family and other social ties...Jesus is calling for the reconstruction of one’s identity, not along ancestral lines or on the basis of one’s social status, but within the new community oriented toward God’s purpose and characterized by faithfulness to the message of Jesus.’
Matthew 12: He is not denying that his mother and brothers weren’t his mother and brothers. ‘The implied repudiation of Jesus’ own family is a matter of priority rather than an absolute disassociation...But the focus here is not on their rebuff but on the positive assertion that Jesus’ disciples are his true family. Following Jesus has created a new and far-reaching bond between them and him.’
The significance of this can be seen both for those who are proud of their family background and those who are ashamed of theirs - their joy should be rightly placed in their relationship to Jesus and being part of his family. Working out what this means in our daily actions requires great wisdom, of course.
Joshua 24 records a renewal of the people’s covenant with God. After recounting God’s actions in their history (vs 1-13), Joshua gives the people a charge: “Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshipped beyond the River Euphrates and in Egypt, and serve the Lord” (v 14). He then calls them to a decision: “choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living” (v 15) and follows with his own famous declaration: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” (v 16).
Here is a godly goal for all families and a vision for family life. Not the idealised picture that our culture or our selfish desires might promote, but putting God first and making it the supreme priority to serve him. With a family vision like that, everything else will flow in a God-glorifying direction and seek to help us tear down any altars to family that we’ve built.
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Dive in a little more…
The Idol That No One Talks About
Over the course of our lives, the things we idolise often change.
When we’re young, it might be grades, friends, or sports. Later, it could be career, money, or reputation.
And for many of us - especially as we grow older - family takes centre stage.
Family is one of the most subtle and socially accepted idols of them all.
Now, family is not a bad thing! It’s God’s idea.
From the very beginning, He designed and blessed it.
“It is not good for the man to be alone…” - Genesis 2:18
“Be fruitful and multiply…” - Genesis 1:28
“God sets the solitary in families.” - Psalm 68:6
Family is sacred. But here’s the key truth:
A commitment to family must never come before our commitment to God.
How Family Quietly Becomes an Idol
It usually starts with something good - a desire to protect, provide for, or take care of those we love.
We think: If I just work harder, plan better, love deeper - I can hold it all together.
But that’s not faith. That’s control disguised as care.
When we start believing we are the ultimate protector or provider, we take on a weight we were never meant to carry.
Slowly, our trust shifts from God to ourselves.
The family becomes less about reflecting God’s nature and more about replacing His role.
And that’s when cracks begin to show.
Without Jesus at the centre, even the most loving homes start to strain under the pressure of misplaced worship.
The Bible’s Honest Examples
We see this pattern throughout Scripture.
Adam and Eve (Genesis 3): Adam chose his relationship with Eve over obedience to God - and sin entered the world.
Israel in the Wilderness (Numbers 14): When God told them to enter the Promised Land, they refused, saying, “Our wives and children will be victims!” They disobeyed God in the name of protecting family - and missed His blessing.
Every time, the question is the same:
Will we trust God with our families, or idolise the idea of a perfect one?
Jesus’ Radical Words About Family
Jesus didn’t avoid this topic - He went straight for the heart.
“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters - yes, even their own life - such a person cannot be My disciple.” - Luke 14:26
That sounds intense! But Jesus wasn’t calling us to despise our loved ones.
He was saying: “Your first allegiance must be to Me.”
Following Him means recognising that even our dearest relationships must take second place to our devotion to God.
Later, when His mother and brothers came looking for Him, He said:
“Who is My mother, and who are My brothers? Whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.” - Matthew 12:50
Jesus wasn’t rejecting His family - He was redefining it.
True family, He said, is formed not by blood, but by obedience to God.
The Promise That Comes With Surrender
Here’s the beautiful part.
When we put God first, He promises blessing - not loss.
“No one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children… for My sake will fail to receive a hundredfold now in this life — and in the age to come, eternal life.” - Mark 10:29–30
God never asks us to give something up without giving something greater in return.
When we place Him at the centre, He blesses what we love - including our families.
Could Jesus Be Speaking To You Today?
Wherever you find yourself today, this message might meet you in one of three places:
For those who’ve made family the centre:
You love deeply - but maybe your loved ones have taken God’s seat.
The Lord says, “Put Me back at the centre, and I’ll bless what you love.”For those who’ve lost family:
Through distance, conflict, or grief - God says, “You belong in My family.”“He sets the solitary in families.” - Psalm 68:6
For those struggling with identity:
Maybe your worth has been tied to people’s approval.
Jesus says, “You are Mine.”
You are defined not by where you came from, but by who created you.
Whatever your story, the answer is the same:
Put Jesus first.
Let Him take His rightful place, and watch divine order return.
Let’s Pray…
Father,
Thank you for your word.
Teach us to love you above all else, and to trust you with all that we love.
We surrender every idol - even the good things - and make you, Jesus, the true centre of our homes and hearts.
From our hearts to the heavens - Jesus, be the centre.
Amen
