Idols | The Pursuit Of The Self
About this series:
To follow Jesus as Lord means putting nothing before Him. This is not only right but logical: no one is greater, no one satisfies more. Yet the daily struggle of discipleship is the pressure—both within and around us—to live as though something else is more worthy.
Christians have long understood this in terms of idols. Tim Keller defines an idol as “anything more important to you than God…anything you seek to give you what only God can give.” Martin Luther said, “Whatever your heart clings to and relies upon, that is your God.” John Piper calls it “anything we rely on for blessing or guidance in place of wholehearted trust in the living God.”
Scripture is clear from the start:
“You shall have no other gods before me” (Ex. 20:3; Deut. 5:7).
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind” (Matt. 22:37).
The danger is profound. Idols dishonor God, deceive us with false promises, and deform us into their image: “Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them” (Ps. 115:8). Humanity is wired to ascribe worth to something beyond itself, but this longing finds fulfillment only in the Creator: “Trust in the Lord—he is their help and shield” (Ps. 115:11). Only He truly satisfies, only He is worthy, only He is “the way, the truth, and the life” (Jn. 14:6).
Identifying idols is not always simple. Good gifts from God can quietly become an idol that replaces him. However, questions like these can help us begin to probe our hearts and minds:
What consumes most of my time and thoughts?
What stirs my emotions most deeply?
What do I feel I cannot live without?
Where do I place my hope for meaning and worth?
About this talk:
“Lovers of themselves” ‘denotes an orientation of heart that places the self at the center of one’s affection, priority and decision-making. While love for one’s own life is a good and natural instinct (Ephesians 5:29), Scripture consistently distinguishes between proper self-care under God’s authority and the self-absorption that crowds out love for God and neighbor’ (biblehub.com).
However, we must ask what Paul actually means here by “lovers of themselves,” especially given that Jesus assumes we will love ourselves when he reiterates the Old Testament command to “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Matthew 22:38). While Jesus means something like ‘appropriate care and attention to one’s own wellbeing,’ Paul must mean an absorption with self such that God and neighbour are squeezed out.
The question is never whether we will love. It is always a question of what we will love. In this passage Paul anticipates that rather than loving God, people will have turned their capacity to love in an inward direction, becoming lovers of themselves, of money and of pleasure. And there could be little doubt that modern western culture aggressively promotes the worship of the self with mantras such as: You be you; Be true to yourself; Follow your heart; Find yourself. In other words, do whatever makes you feel fulfilled, discover what’s within you and express that without fear of what anyone else will think.
The phrase most often associated with this way of thinking is ‘expressive individualism,’ coined by Robert Bellah in 1985. Expressive individualism is the belief that to live a full and satisfying life, you must look inside and discover who you are, and then be free to express that without judgement from others. Yuval Levin wrote of expressive individualism: ‘That term suggests not only a desire to pursue one’s own path but also a yearning for fulfillment through the definition and articulation of one’s own identity. It is a drive both to be more like whatever you already are and also to live in society by fully asserting who you are. The capacity of individuals to define the terms of their own existence by defining their personal identities is increasingly equated with liberty and with the meaning of some of our basic rights, and it is given pride of place in our self-understanding.’
But it should be obvious why this way of thinking is severely flawed and why this idol is not worthy of worship. For one, it takes a great deal of trust in one’s own ideas to believe that they can be trusted enough to be fully expressed. Secondly, our feelings change considerably over time - are we to simply change direction with each change in those feelings? And thirdly, what one culture considers to be acceptable is not necessarily what another one does - who is to say which cultural expression is right? (See Tim Keller’s illustration of this last point, starting “So imagine twelve hundred years ago…” in https://reformedevangelist.blogspot.com/2015/12/a-transcription-of-tim-kellers-our.html
Instead, Jesus calls us to ‘find ourselves’ in losing ourselves for him; in expending our time, talent and treasure on his glory and the good of others; to “deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). Why? “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” (Luke 9:24-25).
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Dive in a little more…
Why Being Obsessed with Yourself Will Never Make You Happy
It’s tempting to think our modern obsession with “self” is something new. Instagram, TikTok, “self-care days,” and the endless stream of posts about “protecting your vibe.”
Maybe you’ve heard phrases like:
“I’m taking a mental spa day… at home.”
“Gym? No, I’m working on my inner glutes.”
“Protecting my vibe is a full-time job.”
Funny, but also a bit telling.
But here’s the thing: the obsession with self isn’t new. It’s ancient. It was there in Eden, when humanity chose self-rule over trusting God. It’s what Milton saw in Adam’s reflection. It’s what theologian Augustine described as “love turned in on itself.”
From Fields to Feelings
Of course, history has intensified this self-focus.
Agrarian life was outward-facing and community-bound. Survival depended on family, land, weather, and tradition.
Industrialization loosened those ties. People could move, reinvent themselves, and pursue individual success.
Romantics like Rousseau preached that your truest self is within, and society is the chain that holds you back.
Nietzsche, Freud, and others pushed it further — morality detached from God, identity linked to instinct and desire.
Fast forward, and here we are: identity as a self-constructed project. “Be whoever you want to be.” “Live your truth.”
Sounds empowering… but is it working?
The Numbers Don’t Lie
Across 44 countries, studies show that young people report higher despair than older generations.
In the U.S., despair among young men has more than doubled since the 90s, and nearly tripled for young women.
In England, nearly 1 in 10 young adults recently talked about self-harm, and about 1 in 20 actually tried.
A quarter of adults say they often feel lonely.
At the very moment in history when self-expression and self-identity are celebrated more than ever… well-being is plummeting.
Put simply: we’re not good at being our own gods.
The Exhaustion of Self-Construction
If identity is self-built, then you have to keep building. Every like, every compliment, every achievement is a shaky brick in your personal tower.
But towers like that wobble. They’re fragile. And honestly? They’re exhausting.
Living for likes. Performing at work for admiration. Even in church, ticking the “Christian boxes” — not out of love for God, but to prove something about yourself.
No wonder we feel tired. No wonder it never feels enough.
A Different Way
The Bible cuts right to the heart of this. The Apostle Paul warned that in the “last days,” people would be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud… sound familiar?
And Jesus? He said something that turns our cultural script upside down:
“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.” (Luke 9:23–24)
What if real life — real freedom — doesn’t come from constructing your own identity, but from receiving one?
The Gospel’s Antidote to Ego
Tim Keller once said the human ego is like a broken bone: swollen, painful, always drawing attention to itself. It’s insecure, busy, fragile. That’s why we’re always chasing validation but never satisfied.
Culture says the answer is self-esteem — just think better of yourself.
But that only feeds the ego. It either makes us proud when we succeed or crushed when we fail.
The gospel offers something better: a received identity.
Not one we earn, not one we curate, but one we’re given. In Christ, we’re called sons and daughters of God. Fully known, fully loved, and fully secure — not because of our performance, but because of His.
When that sinks in, success doesn’t inflate us and failure doesn’t destroy us. Criticism doesn’t define us and compliments don’t enslave us.
We’re free to finally turn outward — to God, to others, to love.
So, Who Are You Preoccupied With?
That’s the question Jesus presses on us.
Not just in theory, but in the everyday:
Where does your imagination wander?
How do you spend your free time?
Where does your money go?
Is it mostly inward, or outward?
The good news is, you don’t have to keep spinning in the exhausting cycle of self-preoccupation. Jesus offers you rest. He offers you freedom. He offers you Himself.
And when you catch a glimpse of His beauty, His glory, His love… well, everything else you were preoccupied with starts to fade away.
