Idols | The Control Loop
About this series:
To follow Jesus as Lord means putting nothing before Him. This is not only right but logical: no one is greater, no one satisfies more. Yet the daily struggle of discipleship is the pressure—both within and around us—to live as though something else is more worthy.
Christians have long understood this in terms of idols. Tim Keller defines an idol as “anything more important to you than God…anything you seek to give you what only God can give.” Martin Luther said, “Whatever your heart clings to and relies upon, that is your God.” John Piper calls it “anything we rely on for blessing or guidance in place of wholehearted trust in the living God.”
Scripture is clear from the start:
“You shall have no other gods before me” (Ex. 20:3; Deut. 5:7).
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind” (Matt. 22:37).
The danger is profound. Idols dishonor God, deceive us with false promises, and deform us into their image: “Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them” (Ps. 115:8). Humanity is wired to ascribe worth to something beyond itself, but this longing finds fulfillment only in the Creator: “Trust in the Lord—he is their help and shield” (Ps. 115:11). Only He truly satisfies, only He is worthy, only He is “the way, the truth, and the life” (Jn. 14:6).
Identifying idols is not always simple. Good gifts from God can quietly become an idol that replaces him. However, questions like these can help us begin to probe our hearts and minds:
What consumes most of my time and thoughts?
What stirs my emotions most deeply?
What do I feel I cannot live without?
Where do I place my hope for meaning and worth?
About this talk:
God designed human beings to be useful, productive; to take charge of things and use their talents to make a difference. But as with every other human trait, when it’s taken too far, it becomes a problem instead of a positive.
The need to be in control is sometimes motivated by a vindictive impulse. But the more common factor behind it is fear. Fear that if I don’t keep hold of things and keep them functioning in a certain way, some bad thing will happen.
Factors that lead to controlling behaviour include:
Some personalities are simply more prone to controlling behaviour.
Past events, especially traumatic ones, can lead people to become controlling.
The model taught through one’s upbringing can lead to continuing those patterns of behaviour.
Different people seek to control in a huge variety of ways - from their relationships, to their bank balance; from their home environment to their physical state; from their children to their friends. And some phases of life can lead to greater levels of controlling behaviour - an important relationship, having children, an increase in responsibility, etc. And we should acknowledge that the line between responsible care and controlling behaviour can be hard to discern, especially in ourselves.
1 Samuel 13 records the Philistines gathering to fight the Israelites (v 5). The response of the Israelites was to hide, escape and quake with fear (vs 6-8). When his men began to scatter (v 8), Saul overstepped his remit - because of fear and impatience (Samuel had not arrived) - and “offered up the burnt offering” (v 9), all of which he explains in vs 11-12.
Perhaps Saul would have argued, just as we might do when we take an unhealthy, controlling approach, that he was simply trying to protect his people, nation, even God’s reputation, in the face of great danger. But that’s not how Samuel saw it. He didn’t respond, “Sorry I was a little late; well done for taking charge of the situation.” Instead, he rebukes Saul and prophesies catastrophe on his kingdom. Fear led Saul to stray beyond the healthy limits of his responsibilities and to seek to control what he had no right to.
Some people will be aware of their tendency to control something or someone. But many will either be unaware or unwilling to recognise it. And so it is a huge challenge to actually admit, expose and confront our fears and resulting unhealthy behaviours.
Questions such as these could be helpful:
What am I afraid of losing?
How safe do people feel when they disagree with me?
Am I able to submit, with a healthy attitude, to someone else’s leadership?
Do I become anxious and / or angry when things don’t go according to plan?
When I am responsible for something / someone, do I give room for people to take initiative or do I micromanage?
Am I open to change and surprise or am I uncomfortable outside my routine?
Do those closest to me feel at ease around me and free to make their own decisions?
Do I keep my emotions rigidly under control?
The antidote to becoming stuck in a control loop is to trust the one who really is in control - which of course is easier said than done. But it truly is the answer. As Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us: trusting in the Lord, submitting to him in everything means we will be enabled to follow the straight path he sets before us; a path that leads us into peace in his sovereignty and releases us from the need to be in control.
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How to Break the Control Loop…
We all fear something.
Apparently, humans are born with only two natural fears — of loud noises and of falling. Everything else, we learn. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of loss, criticism, or being out of control.
And so, to manage our fears, we reach for control.
When Fear Becomes Control
Fear is an emotional response to perceived danger. It triggers fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — that rush of adrenaline, the racing heart, the urge to act. But fear doesn’t just make us react; it often makes us grasp.
We tighten our grip on situations, people, or outcomes, believing that control will keep us safe. But often, it does the opposite — it traps us.
Think of the monkey trap. A monkey reaches into a jar for food, but the opening is too small for its clenched fist to come out. If it would just let go, it could be free. But it won’t — because it’s afraid to lose what it’s holding.
That’s what control does to us.
We grip harder, hoping to gain safety, but end up becoming slaves to fear.
The Biblical Example: Saul’s Control Loop
The first king of Israel, Saul, began well. He was tall, strong, and impressive — “as handsome a young man as could be found anywhere in Israel” (1 Samuel 9:2). But his story became a tragedy of fear and control.
When Israel faced the Philistines at Michmash (1 Samuel 13), Saul’s men were terrified. Samuel, God’s prophet, had told Saul to wait seven days before offering sacrifices. But as the pressure mounted and his troops began to scatter, fear took over. Saul decided to take control. He offered the sacrifice himself — something only Samuel was authorised to do.
To Saul, it made sense. He wanted to protect his people, even to defend God’s reputation. But fear had led him to disobey. When Samuel arrived, he didn’t commend Saul for taking initiative — he rebuked him:
“You have done a foolish thing… You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you.” (v.13)
That act of fearful control cost Saul his kingdom.
Fear made him grasp what was never his to hold. And from then on, his story spiralled — jealousy of David, attempts at murder, and finally, madness.
Control had become his idol.
The Control Loop in Us
Like Saul, we all have control loops — patterns of thought and behaviour designed to keep life manageable. In engineering, a control loop adjusts systems to maintain a set outcome — like a thermostat regulating temperature. But when our inner control loops are driven by fear, they don’t keep life steady. They reinforce dysfunction.
Fear of failure makes us micromanage.
Fear of rejection makes us distant.
Fear of loss makes us cling.
Fear of imperfection makes us anxious and critical.
Control promises safety but delivers exhaustion. It becomes an idol when we begin to serve it — when we sacrifice peace, relationships, and trust at its altar.
Breaking the Control Loop: Reflect, Repent, and Rest
There is a better way. The antidote to the control loop is not more effort, but surrender — letting go and entrusting control to the One who truly has it.
Proverbs 3:5-6 gives us the pattern:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.”
Let’s unpack that in three steps:
1. Reflect — “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.”
To trust fully, you must first know what’s really in your heart. Ask God, as in Psalm 139:23:
“Search me, God, and know my heart.”
Reflect on your fears:
What am I most afraid of losing?
Where do I struggle to let go?
Do people around me feel free to disagree or make their own choices?
Do I become anxious or angry when things go “off plan”?
Do I feel safe only when I’m in charge?
Naming the fear is the first step toward freedom.
2. Repent — “Lean not on your own understanding.”
Control is really self-trust. It says, “If I don’t manage this, everything will fall apart.”
But repentance is a turning away — from self-reliance, from fear, from bowing to the idol of control.
The Puritan Thomas Brooks once wrote,
“Repentance is the vomit of the soul.”
It’s not pretty, but it’s necessary. We must expel the poison of self-reliance before we can breathe again.
3. Rest — “Submit to Him… and He will make your paths straight.”
Letting go is not passivity. It’s choosing to trust that God is wise, good, and sovereign.
When you rest in His control, you’re not abandoning responsibility — you’re surrendering anxiety. You’re choosing peace over panic, faith over fear.
If Saul had waited — just a little longer — the story could have been different. If he had rested in God’s timing instead of seizing control, his legacy might have been one of faith rather than fear.
The Invitation
Maintaining control is exhausting. But freedom comes when we let go — when we surrender to the One who is never out of control.
If you’re a Christian, perhaps it’s time to ask:
Where am I still clinging to control?
If you’re not a Christian, this is what following Jesus truly means — to hand over control to Him, to trust His goodness instead of your own grasp.
Let go. Rest.
Because only when you stop gripping the jar can you finally be free.
